I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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