Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
