This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
