if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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