he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
