I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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