he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
