my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
