Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
