I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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