Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
