I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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