He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize