Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She even gives head with a lisp.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
