i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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