this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
