Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The struggles of a small town man whore
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
