lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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