guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
