am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
