Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
