Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
