You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
