My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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