So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
