dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
