Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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