i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
