My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
