Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
