I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize