I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
