you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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