i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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