Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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