We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
im on a boat
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