I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
