Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have demons in me.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
