had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
this just has baby written all over it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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