my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
