Your face is a jimmy john
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
