My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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