Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
