Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
