i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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