how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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