the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!