Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
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So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.