She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.