Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
