I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.