We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen