The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
