i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize