Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
