She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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