I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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