I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I am midnight drunk by noon
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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