Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
