apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
