If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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