Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
