he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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