The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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