Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
