I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize