She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
