Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
