Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
