plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am full of burrito and curiosity
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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