you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Found the puke drawer
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
