def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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