I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
