I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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