okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
