are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
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He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes