in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize