wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
