While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
