That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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