I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sorry about my life...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
