Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
