I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
